How to Potty Train a Stubborn Toddler

If you’ve ever thought, “My toddler is just too stubborn to potty train,” you’re not alone.

Many parents start potty training feeling hopeful, only to quickly run into resistance. Your toddler might refuse to sit on the potty, run away when you suggest the toilet, or become upset the moment the topic comes up.

It can feel frustrating, confusing, and sometimes even a little defeating.

But the good news is this: in most cases, stubbornness isn’t actually the problem.

Why Toddlers Seem “Stubborn” During Potty Training

Toddlers are naturally developing independence. Between roughly 18 months and three years old, they begin realising they can make their own choices.

This is an important developmental stage, but it can show up strongly during potty training.

From your toddler’s perspective:

• The toilet may feel unfamiliar

• They may not like being interrupted during play

• They may feel watched or pressured

• They may realise they can say “no”

What often gets labelled as stubbornness is actually a toddler trying to maintain control.

And when potty training becomes a power struggle, toddlers almost always push back harder.

Why Potty Training Can Become a Power Struggle

Many parents are told to wait until their child is “ready.” By the time potty training begins later in toddlerhood, independence is often in full swing.

At this stage, toddlers:

• question routines

• test boundaries

• assert their preferences

So when potty training suddenly appears, it can feel like a big change being imposed on them.

If they sense pressure, expectations, or frustration from adults, resistance often increases.

What Doesn’t Usually Help

When a toddler resists potty training, it’s natural to try to push a little harder. But some common approaches can accidentally make resistance stronger.

For example:

• repeatedly asking if they need the toilet

• encouraging them to sit for a long time 

• negotiating or pleading

• showing frustration when accidents happen

• turning it into a big emotional moment

These responses can unintentionally reinforce the power struggle.

What Helps Instead

Rather than trying to “win” the battle, the goal is to remove the battle altogether.

A calmer approach focuses on:

• predictable routines

• keeping the toilet experience neutral

• avoiding pressure or constant reminders

• short, quick, 30 second toilet sits 

• allowing your toddler to build confidence gradually

When toddlers feel safe and capable, resistance often melts away surprisingly quickly.

Remember: Resistance Is Often Temporary

Many toddlers go through short phases of refusal during potty training.

This doesn’t mean they aren’t capable of learning. It usually means something in the process needs adjusting, often reducing pressure and returning to simple, consistent routines.

Once toddlers feel they have some control again, cooperation tends to return.

If You Haven’t Started Yet (Or Want a Smoother Start)

Many of the power struggles parents experience during potty training come from starting without preparation.

When toddlers are given time to build awareness and familiarity with the toilet before nappies come off, resistance is much less likely to appear.

That’s exactly what I cover in my free guide:

“5 Things to Do Before Starting Potty Training.”

It walks you through the simple steps that help potty training feel calmer, clearer, and far less stressful, for both you and your toddler.